" In case of rapture "
I don't understand why they want them swollen with fucking helium!
It's for the AVN awards man,
it's like the fucking oscars of porn,
and they want them floating from the rafters.
Check this out!
Fuck me! I have several fuckable orificies!
Wait wait wait!
No, fuck me, I'm a chick with a dick!
- Then you can fuck yourself! - No!
Oh shit! My dick fell off!
Holy shit! I think this chick is my cousin!
Watch out!
- Dude, you almost hit that guy! - I did not!
- Yes you did! - Well he like came from nowhere!
But it's not just the wives who need to give themselves freely to their husbands within the
blessed confines of the marriage bed, husbands need to surrender as well
Praise the lord!
- Because women have desires too! - Exactly!
And those wifly desires were meant by god to be satisfied by their husbands,
- even when we may not feel like it! - Right, Roney,
Like that ever happens!
So this is how, this is how through marriage, we create the garden of Eden again,
without shame, without...
Oh my lord!! Oh my lord!! Sweet jesus!!
Sweet jesus!! Oh Sweet jesus!! Sweet Jesus!! Oh my L...
Eggs,eggs,eggs,eggs,eggs Mmm those are good!
- You're up early - I'm always up early,
everyday is a new adventure, today we're having eggs!
What do you think of our new table?
- I don't know, what is it, Indian? - Persian I think
- What's the difference? - Mm persia is Iran, and India is well... India
It's George's?
Well, we've been married for almost three months
and we decided it might be time to move some of his things out of storage,
most of it is in the garage for now but we put the table on last night before we went to bed.
You see this,
- this is called a horse - Well that's funny,
where daddy comes from it's called a rock!
it's a piece of grey wrack,
I founded wedged between the walls of the San Andreas fault, up near Pescadero,
that's what a horse is
a piece of displaced rock between the walls of a faultline
well that's very helpful George thank you.
- How is that little girl doing? - Good,
well eating some eggs, wearing some.
Is this a new table?
- It's persian. - Persia... does that exist anymore?
Persia is Iran, and this, is a horse.
A piece of rock found between the walls of a fault?
Very good Claire!
George has been telling me all about his rocks,
who would have thought they could be so fascinating.
- Aren't they? - It's like going to school in your own home.
You know Claire, maybe you could take photos of some of George's keepsakes,
everyone of them has such an interesting story behind it.
Well, not all of them.
I mean, it's been a while since you did any of your,
you know, art, and I just thought it might inspire you,
Do I look like I need to be inspired?
Actually you do.
- Oh, I'm sorry, - Oh don't be silly Arthur!
I'll just grab my cottage cheese and take it up to my room.
- Is this persian? - Yes it is.
I'm not sure if it works in this kitchen,
but it's very beautiful.
Thank you.
- I think it works in this kitchen. - I love it,
because it's yours
Apparently, according to witnesses, she just got out of her car and ran into traffic.
Do they know why?
No, I suppose we'll never know.
Well my heart goes out to you
It's horrible,
Not knowing exactly what happened to someone you loved,
It was her time,
that's all.
- The lord works in mysterious ways. - Yes.
He certainly does.
So Mr. Sheedy, would you prefer an afternoon or an evening...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I just think in the interest of healthy grieving Mr Sheedy
you need to give yourself permission to at least
be curious as to why your wife would
jump out of her car and run into traffic!
For no apparent reason.
Why? That's not gonna bring her back.
Nate,
I believe Rico could use your assistance downstairs.
Right,
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Some of the most striking tapestry out of the medieval age is to be found in central France,
in the chateau of Angers,
during the 14th century,
a more gothic style would take root in England however introducing...
Hey! You're Claire Fisher, right?
I love that graveyard light box piece you had on the alumni show!
Oh, thanks.
I'm Anita Miller, I started winter semester last year,
oh, cool, hi!
Gothic architecture, middle period ink, this is where the flying button...
Oh god, how much of this gothic stuff can there be!
That one's really beautiful but it's all starting to kinda run together in my head!
I hear that, I see one more bleeding Jesus, I think I'll hurl!
Maybe if you hurl on a bleeding Jesus, you could get an independant study credit, or a grant!
Yeah, I'm sure the NEA is just dying to hand out money to Christ defacers.
The NEA is dying that's for sure.
So you're working on anything?
No,
I haven't even picked up my camera since like last spring!
You?
Please, all I did was work at Starbucks and see lame ass movies like the Hulk!
Oh god when I saw that I was just like
"excuse me can somebody please explain those gigantic purple fucking pants!"
I know! Why didn't he show us his green package already?
Can I help you?
Hey, you wanna go out tomorrow night?
It's open mike night at the Nuts and Jolts, so my friend Edie is doing her thing.
What's her thing?
It's kind of a punk folk poetry performance or that kind of thing.
Sure, why not?
I can't believe you can't see this,
he's just using that happy she's on her way to jesus horseshit to distance himself from the truth,
the man lost his wife!
He's facing one of the worst things that can possibly happen to a person and I just think that he needs to feel,
he needs to really really feel! The loss, and then you know the the rage!
Nate everyone handles their grief in a different way.
He was nowhere even near actual grief!
Maybe he's just trying to keep it together in front of his son!
Yeah, wouldn't want the kid to bump up against reality, or wanna prepare him for actual life!
Maybe the man has faith.
- In what? God? - Yes, in God!
And maybe his faith in God is what sustains him!
Well he's not sustained, he's totally fucking checked out!
Look, you gotta go through all the necessary stages of grief,
that's how you honor what the person actually meant to you!
How long were you with the LAPD?
Almost six years.
And why did you leave?
I... I went off on a guy during a domestic abuse call.
- Did you kill the guy? - No,
I busted him up pretty bad though.
Did you ever kill anybody in the line of duty?
Once, a guy pulled a gun and I did what I had to do,
it was a clean shooting.
I killed a guy during a domestic abuse call once!
Mike! Now is not the time!
Look, putting some asshole in the hospital for beating up on his wife is not a problem,
we handle strictly high hand clientele, mostly high profile people in the music and entertainment industry,
we've handled MJ, both MJs actually, Whitney, P Daddy.
Both MJs? Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson?
Mike Jagger is an MJ.
- We've handled all 3 MJs then. - Wow!
When you come to work for Safeguard protection agency,
your job is not to put your hands on anyone during any given situation, your job
is to low-tone it,
and defuse the situation before it becomes a situation.
Got it!
I don't think I have anymore questions for now Mr Charles.
Me neither.
- Do yo have any questions for us? - No... I don't think so.
No, I really would like this job though,
I mean I... it's exactly the line of work that I'd like to get into,
I'm a hard worker, and you won't be sorry.
We'll call you.
Ok.
Ok... oh... shit...
you have any paper towels?
We'll take care of it.
- Mike. - I'm on it.
Sorry about that.
Oh thank you so much Rico!
Come in!
Hey Nicole! Hey sweetie!
- I am so glad that I met you! - Oh Yeah...
I never had someone be so nice to me without expecting something in return you know.
- Yeah... - Except for that one time,
which I didn't mind at all.
Look Sophia, I'm married,
you know we both know that I'm just trying to help out a little here and there, that's all.
Could you do me a huge favour?
You know that DVD player that you bought me last week?
Mmm.
I don't know how to hook it up.
Sure,
Yeah
Alright!
Hey sweetie, now you'll be able to watch all your favorite movies!
- So you're going to work? - Yeah.
I wish you didn't have to,
you know...
- Do that for a living. - Yeah, well we all gotta eat right?
Yeah, yeah.
- Who watches Nicole? - The lady upstairs.
Where's her father?
If I could find him!
Look Rico, he's a speed freak and a deadbeat, we're better of without him, believe me!
And if you come to the club tonight, don't call me Sophia!
- My club name is Inf... - Infinity!
Infinity, I know.
Alright, let's get this thing hooked up!
Wanna help me?
i just figured nobody knows more about crazy people than i do,
I was raised by them, I am one of them
and really am way to old to be rubbing on strangers.
I think you're gonna make an excellent therapist
it's a pretty intensive fast track program.
I'll have to work my lazy ass off, but,
i'll have my MSW in summer 2005.
Hum! You can analyse me...
My mother is going to freak when she finds out...
I'll just never tell her
So, what day is this? Day.. 78?
- Right? - More like 67 actually!
- 67? where did you get 67? - Those two weeks you were on San José don't count
No they don't we didn't even talk during these two weeks.
Yeah, but we fantasized about each other!
- Speak for yourself - You didn't even think about me?
While touching my thong!
- Oh I like the sound of that! - I bet you do
I think it's only fair that we count the days at San José
Think of it as time off, for good behaviour
Maybe.
Here, eat this!
Some people think i'm in heaven,
but guess what,
there's no heaven,
except right here,
with you.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil,
for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Oh yeah, oh yes! Oh yes!!!!
Hey, is this too much ?
No sir, you are all that and a box of cookies
- Do you have to say that ? - Yeah i kinda do.
Oh shit, I gotta pick up that package in twenty minutes.
I cannot believe you're going be a security guard to the stars
- Security specialist - Oh that's so hot!
- Who are you protecting today ? - I have no idea
All i know is that i have to be at the Meridian Hotel at eleven
I hope it's Russel Crowe or Denzel Washington or Russel Crowe and Denzel Washington
Imagine the possiblities
I need a new suit
Well you can buy three new suits with the money you're gonna make
"Mr They-start-me-on-a-25-bucks-a-fucking-hour".
Some of these guys make a hundred if they go on tour
Holy shit
We can finally get one of these gigantic flat screen high definition TVs you've always wanted!
Yeah, you know what else? A house...
- Oh my God, with a swimming pool ? - And a jacuzzi.
And a O'Keefe and Merritt stoven oven for the kitchen! Oh put your hands on me...
My job is to not put my hands on anybody
- Oh - My job is to low-tone it.
And defuse the situation before it becomes a situation.
Oh! Yeah? Well.. defuse this!
Keith, this is Derek and Jeffrey
Hey... What's up!
D'you take a peek inside ?
- Excuse me ? - Inside the case
No!
You didn't give me the combination,
not that i would have if you had.
Don't you wanna know what you were transporting?
Not if you don't need me to.
CD's bling
- CD? - Cameron Diaz
- Wao! Will we meet Cameron Diaz? - No
I'll put you on lobby duty with Derek and Jeffrey tonight
Got it
- So what do we do now ? - We're doing it
Do you got some shades?
I left them in the car.
I really like this table of yours, George,
though i must admit i kinda miss the old formica one.
i'm sure of being a geologist you know formica was originally developed as an electrical insolator
created as a replacement for mica! A silicate mineral
Hence the word, for..mica!
Actually that's not true
Mica whether biotite or muscovite is a silicate mineral that's true.
But formica is a plastic laminant
Developed for kitchen furnishings in the 1920s
The one has nothing what so ever to do with the other
I stand corrected, then
They're both such interesting explanations so, aren't they?
By the way, that's my yogurt you're eating
My name is clearly marked on the side the container
I hope you're planing on replacing however much of it you consume.
- Man, I'd fuck her. - Me too.
- I'd tap that ass! - Oh yeah, no fuckin' doubt!
Check out that!
You can't have that..
- Could if I wanted to! - In your dreams you could!
- I've had finer than that... - Hein hein
I'd definitely tap that...
ass!
Ok, I think you should go home.
- It's still early - I know!
I just.. I want some alone time
Ok
Ok, so, when do we stop doing this going back to our respective places?
- At the end of 90 days - ...of 90 days
- Yes.. - Right
It's a good healthy period of rehabilitation, that's all!
You know there is some people that could rehab for 30 days.
Those people usually relapse.
- What about the 60 days people? - Still pretty iffy.
Ok, I see...
So...
90 days! Is it the morning of the 90st day or the evening of the 90st day?
It would be the 91st actually!
- It's so not fair - Oh come on,
You're not seventeen! You can wait.
- That will be worth it! Trust me - I just wanna see that weird tatoo
- Oh you did already! - Without all that annoying clothing to distract me!
Just, just... once! I wanna get to know someone before I sleep with him!
I.. people used to get engaged before they'd even met.
And they stayed engaged for years while they got to know each other.
People also used to think that cats could suck their souls out of their bodies.
They do!
You know, technicaly,
I could stay over.. but for ninety days..
We'll just have to sort of keep a lid on it
I don't think I could do that!
Hum... Ok!
I'm gonna go across the courtyard and I'm gonna count 'til 91 and then I'm gonna masturbate!
You want more pizza, babe? You barely ate a thing!
Oh no I had two pieces, I'm full!
Usually you eat the whole pizza yourself Are you feeling ok?
Yeah I feel fine.
- Can I get some more tokens? - Yeah
- Keeping an eye on your brother over there? - Yes
Yeah.. Ok, here, one for you one for him.
How was work?
Same shit, everyday.
You don't wanna talk to me about anything?
- Why don't you tell me about your day? - I already did,
- but obviously you weren't listening. - I was listening.
What did I say?
Look, Vanessa, I'm just... I'm just a little distracted right now, that's all, I'm just...
This is Shaky's pizza night babe, it's supposed to be fun
The kids are having a blast, what are you talking about?
No, it's supposed to be fun for all of us.
I'm having fun!
You're a lying sack of shit
Hey, you didn't have much of anything to talk to me about for six fucking months,
can I be distracted for one night?
Your clitorys
Hot, burning wet pinkness
I wasn't the first, and I won't be the last.
The crack of the world, for all to explore,
Except for me, been there, done that,
That's the end, Thank you.
- I feel violated. - I don't think he's ever been laid...
Oh, that's Edie!
Ok,
Can we make a rule for Open Mike night?
No more angry poems or songs with clitoral or vaginal references in them!
Unless you have one!
Here is my poem dedicated to every guy I've ever been with,
Your penis is kinda nice,
too bad you're attached to it.
This next piece is a collaboration between me and my mum who lives in Chicago.
My mum has cancer, and she's really angry,
even though she's been smoking three packs a day for forty years
- Edie? - Feel sorry for her yet?
I just came back from lunch with your aunt Betty.
Aunt Betty,
who once told me black people couldn't go to heaven!
I feel so lost... I... I don't know what to do with myself.
Ok, I lied about the cancer part,
there's nothing wrong with this woman, nothing
What happened to me Edie, what happened to my life?
She's just a fucking victim who's never taken a chance in her life and has nobody to blame but herself!
I wish I was dead.
Actually, my mum is the vice president of the midwestern direct marketing association
I can get you any targetted list you want!
Over 65, under 21, married, single, gay, lesbian, smokers, racists, cancer survivors!
She's plunging head long into the abyss with all her guns firing!
You just tell me what you want, and I will deliver!!
And it will take you 32 hours of sheer physical agony and you will never let me forget about it!
Edie...
You made her look so beautiful.
Well, you and God.
Oh, that's our job.
Me and my associate I mean, not me and God!
So how are you holding up?
Quite well, thank you for asking.
- It's ok for you to be angry! - I'm not angry.
Maybe you just don't realise it,
But you should know anger is a very natural and necessary stage in the grieving process
Nate
You can't just skip over, believe me, I've been there!
You have to live with it,
allow yourself to dwell on it, you have to... to own it,
only then you can have any chance of moving through it and getting on with the rest of your life!
I know there's a reason God chose this for Dorothy,
and I know that his wisdom is infinite.
- What if you're wrong? - I'm not.
What if there is no God?
- No heaven. - Nate!
What if she's just gone? For ever, like she didn't even exist?
And now you have a child who will never know his mother, that doesn't make you angry?
- Nate! - It's alright.
No, it's not... if you'll excuse us for a moment.
Please!
- That's enough! - I'm just trying to help the guy face the truth!
What? I'm uniquely qualified don't you think? I'm a funeral director, my wife is freshly fucking dead,
who's more qualified than me!
This isn't about you, ok, would you... leave these people alone!
Look, you wanna leave them alone, fine, you leave them alone,
but don't expect me to feed them lame shit like it's gonna get better because it won't!
And people need to know that!
Well maybe some people aren't ready for that.
Formica... A durable plastic laminate used in kitchen furnishings
developt as a overlectrical insulator...
as a replacement for the silicant mineral...
Mica!
- You were so great! - No, it was self-indulgent and,
i still don't know exactly what it's about, you know but...
I figure, do the work, stay out of the results.
I liked the cock poem at the very beginning, which is totally improvised, right?
- Was I too hard on him? - Oh no, not at all, I mean, he was weeping.
Yeah but two cute girls followed him out back.
Maybe he'll get a blow job out of it!
- So you're at LAC arts, right? - Yeah.
- What year? - Sophomore.
- You, - Junior, I think,
I haven't been keeping track of my credits or anything.
Claire grew up in a funeral home.
Why d'you have to tell her that?
So, what's your medium?
Photography, mostly,
yeah but I haven't picked up any camera in like months!
- Why not? - I don't know.
I went through a tough time for a while.
That's the best time to work,
I mean that's when your guts are all raw and you don't have to waste too much time thinking about it.
Yeah, I just feel like anything I do is gonna be shit.
So?... What's the worse that can happen? I mean, some asshole make fun of you?
- Like you made fun of poet guy? - Yeah exactly!
I mean, I'm sure there are plenty people here right now making fun of me.
Yeah, I guess I'm just waiting for the right time, you know.
Well, none of us may be here tomorrow,
I mean you of all people should know that, right?
Are you ok?
Ever since Lisa died, every death that comes through here feels like her dying all over again.
- It's only been a few months, Nate. - Yeah.
I keep thinking it's gonna get easier.
No one ever said it gets easy.
Not easy, easier,
just for five fucking minutes
I can't get her out of my head even for that long,
even when I'm with Mya,
yeah most of all, I just don't think I believe in any of this anymore,
Any of what?
That anything we say or do actually helps anybody.
- Nate, Look... - I can't do this anymore Dave.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that I quit!
- You're quitting? - God, I'm not cut out for this!
You're cut out for this, like dad was, Rico is cut out for this...
and even probably Arthur is cut out for this, I'm not!
I'm not! I am not cut out for this!
I have got to find some other kind of life for myself and not just myself, but for Maya too.
I have to.
I'm sorry.
- Hello? - Is that you making all that noise?
What noise?
Sounds kinda like a moose that got hit by a mac truck.
Beg your pardon, i'm orgasming.
You might wanna dial it back a bit 'fore the landlady calls animal control.
I can't help it, fantasizing about making love to you is even
better than actual sex with most people.
- What are you wearing? - At the moment?
- Mmm. - Nothing.
Come over in that.
- You're joking, right? - Maybe not, but, come now 'fore I change my mind!
- Did anyone see you come over? - I hope so!
Get in here!
Well,
Ball's in your court, so to speak.
Is everything all right David?
As a matter of fact no, everything is not all right, Nate quit!
- What do you mean he quit? - His job!
- When, - Last night,
Yeah it's now Fisher and Diaz as in one Fisher and one Diaz!
Well, you've been complaining about Nate's work, I would think you'd be happy if he took a break.
Mum, he's not taking a break, he quit!
Now there are just two of us,
I already had to drop out of chorus since he is almost never here when he's supposed to be.
Perhaps this is for the best then;
I suppose we can get Arthur to pick up some of the slack,
he can embaulm as long as one of us is in the room with him.
Did you know that the average american changes career seven times during his or her life time?
Mmm.
Is that information supposed to be useful in some way, George?
It's just a fact!
- Hey, I take Maya to the park. - Ok, I know,
Have fun at the park, I'll be here at work, keeping us all afloat!
Dorothy loved all of you and I know that she'll watch down on us as we sleep,
but know that she is not gone, and anyone who knows Dorothy knows she's everywhere,
- Hey... Why are you... - Hey Dumdum.
I just got home and I was thinking about how sweet you are.
- And I miss you! - Yeah... yeah hey look,
I'm at work right now, I shouldn't even be...
I was thinking maybe you could, come over later, ok, please.
Ok,
maybe I can stop by for like a little while.
Oh, can you pick up something to eat too?
- Some...wh... - Nicole loves pizza with peperoni,
we can eat it together, watch tv, it will be fun ok?
I can do that.
- I'll be there in a little bit. - Ok, hurry, I can't wait!
Ahhh... Vanessa just called,
Augusto has an ear infection and she needs me to take him to the doctor
Ok, fine, go.
Shit!!
- It just started and then it wouldn't stop! - Jesus fucking christ!
All the blood we drained must have somehow packed up into the rest of the housing plumbing.
After we've just spent 38 thousand dollars for a whole new system less than two years ago!
- Should I call the plumber? - Yes! Tell him it's an emergency!
And don't let anybody use the bathroom!
- Oh this is so fucking gross! - What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Taking pictures, this is like right out of The Shining!
This is not cool, or legal, stop it!
- What crawled up your ass? - This is our family business, Claire,
even if I'm the only one in the family who gives a shit anymore!
Well, what if you need photos for like the insurrance company or something?
Alright, take some more but, this is not an art project!
Ok, here we go!
Whoooo, oh! Gotya..
Alright! Alright! Gotya...
Well, whoever did your last job caught some coroners by using PVC instead of copper,
and that's not good,
and then you had your drainers line busting in back and up
into your sceptic and once that happened, everything kinda went to hell from there,
but, I replace all your busted PVC with copper and it should be ok,
I just need you to initial here, here, and sign here.
- Thanks for coming so quickly! - Hey that's... that's what I'm here for.
- Something wrong? - No!
- I'm doing something wrong? - No, not at all,
- Am I? - Not at all!
- It's a little weird, isn't it? - It's always weird in the begining.
Is this more weird or less weird?
- You want me to compare? - No... I mean yes, I mean I do,
Kinda, only if it's a favorable comparison!
This is fine,
is it good for you?
- Yes, definetly! - Good... I'm glad!
- Are we talking too much? - Yes.
- I really like you Brenda. - We're definetly talking too much!
You certainly do have a lot of hair in your ears!
I still have no idea why from an evolutionary perspective homo sapiens get hairier the older they get!
You have such an interesting way of looking at the world George!
Ruth, I have the feeling that your children don't care all that much for me.
Oh that's not true,
Perhaps you try a bit too hard with them.
I'm just trying to have a relationship with them that's all!
I hate to say this but,
I'm finding your family a little difficult to connect with...
Turn your head please.
Oh maybe you're right, maybe if I didn't try so hard.
I love you just the way you are,
and sooner or later,
everyone else in this family will love you too.
- I quit my job! - I quit my old fucking life!
- No you didn't quit you got fired. - I guess maybe I did,
It may not've been the best thing that ever happened, but it's right up there,
Getting married, becoming a father, getting creamed by a bus,
Those are some of life's big moments,
Yeah, you were never cut out for this business.
That's what I've been thinking,
- It's all a bunch of bullshit right? - Sometimes yes sometimes no,
sometimes I'd even surprise myself at how heartfelt I find myself on a given situation,
and sometimes you just say the words and hope nobody realises that you're completely full of crap,
Happens to the best of us,
But you're probably better off,
I'd give anything if Lisa hadn't died,
But then again, when she was here, I just wanted to be free.
- You're coming inside? - No, not today.
This one,
- Now she is a keeper. - Yeah isn't she?
Whatever you do don't fuck that up,
You take care of yourself buddyboy.
What do we have here?
Come on.
- So you still haven't even seen Cameron Diaz? - It's only been two days! She's very private.
Apparently so.
It's a glamorous job, what can I say?
- You like the guys you're working with? - They're ok.
I got a blow job today.
You did not!
I did.
- From who? - From the plumber.
- You got a blow job from a plumber? - His name was Andy.
- A white guy? - Yeah, he was good with a wrench!
- Did you return the favour? - No!
You'd better not think you're getting out of having sex with me tonight!
Ok, but I might need you to talk about water rams and hand 'snakes.
- You suppose it might be a late wedding present? - There was no return address.
What is it?
- I believe it's feces! - Feces?!
Who in the world would send you feces in the mail?
I don't know.
Look at this Maya, somebody sent grandpa a big steaming pile of dukey!
Wait! Don't throw it away before I can get my camera!
Sous-titres par la Fisher Team :
Superviseur et Grand Maître: Guzo
Transcripteurs et Traducteurs: TRaUMA, WillyOdin, Paqui, Guzo
Aide aux transcripts et traductions: Paqui et Guzo
Corrections VO et VF: Guzo
Synchronisation: De$ol@t!on
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